As usual, I started this morning in my head. I may have physically gotten out of bed, gone to the toilet, removed my mascara, taken my medicine (No! I am not diabetic, that is sooooooo racist.), yelled at the kids, eaten some yogurt, made up my bed, washed a load or two of clothes, showered, and dressed for work in this realm but I was actually lost in another time space continuum; my head. 

In my head, I fantasize about Usher (my future baby daddy) whenever his songs are on the radio and since I only listen to SiriusXM The Heat; his songs are always on the radio. In my head, I think about different guys that I have dated and revisit conversations we have had. In my head, I changed Mr. J's name (someone I have a non-dating physical relationship with) to "Lazy Love" by Ne-Yo  http://youtu.be/WZkuuUe97_s?hd=1, and Mr. B's name (someone who I started a non-dating physical relationship with six months ago that is possibly more than that but neither of us want to admit or talk about it) to "Lemme See" by Usher http://youtu.be/TEb7CPtpZvM. In my head, my size 12 is on a 5"10' frame and not a 5"4' one.

Anyway, this morning in my head I set certain goals for myself. Though I'm still discovering myself these weren't any random goals. This morning was a morning of self-discovery for me, though the more I think about it, it might directly be related to my meds. This morning I forgot about love, being in love, the meaning of love, the pain of love, I thought about me. I decided that I have until age 45 to start a doctoral studies program,and that I also have to have 50k saved by that time. This may not seem like a big deal to many but for me it was saying it out loud, it was speaking it into existence. I will be 40 next Sunday <deep sigh> so I actually don't have a lot of time. I should prolly get a real job. Eventually...

So what had happened was, I knew I set this mental plan in motion because I don't think I can find a doctoral program for me that does NOT focus on Latino/a studies anywhere in the Southwest. So apparently in order to focus on multicultural studies in relation to rhetoric and writing one must go North. I guesstimated that it would take me about 4-5 years to acclimate myself to the idea of going to NY or something because its COLD there. I don't wanna be COLD. Thinking about this lead to a discovery of possibly getting a 2nd masters degree in Health and Human Services because I have this thing about homeless teenagers (though I have a teenager that I would love to be homeless right now) that I want to help and give them the support they need to reach their potential. Now while I realize that sounds like a commercial, its true. Plus thinking about all this helped me to keep my mind off of "Lemme See" all day. Since apparently we're in a non-talking point in our strange relationship, though I'm sure somehow this will relate back to Hurricane Sandy (Bullshit).

As there is no way i'm going to make anyone relive my entire day in order for me to get to the point, just know that in the final hours as I was putting the beginning touches on this brand new blog that I promised myself I would start today, my baby came into my room and we discussed My Rainbow Fish.

My Rainbow Fish is the world that I share with my children, my parents, my almost ex husband, and my friends. It represents time we spent together that is meaningful. A few years ago I was driving my baby to school and during our conversation about everything important to a six year old, he told me that he was going to write a book one day, and it would be called Rainbow Fish. When I asked him why, he had no reason to explain it. But I knew at that moment that I would write something some day in the future and the title that I had been thinking about for years that wouldn't manifest became obvious, it was Rainbow Fish, My Rainbow Fish. My son would never remember this conversation or the name of his future book but I knew that I would.

My Rainbow Fish is our time together; good or bad.

Welcome to my world...